


I Loved You So Hard I Softened

by writerjesus



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Erik Has Feelings, Erik is a Sweetheart, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, X-Men: Dark Phoenix (Movie) Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerjesus/pseuds/writerjesus
Summary: Jean asks him how he was able to stop hurting the people he loves. The question catches him off guard, gives him pause. It’s laughable, really.The question assumes that he was able to stop.





	I Loved You So Hard I Softened

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been floating in my head since I saw the movie... I hope you enjoy!

He doesn’t expect to see her. Not alone, at least. After the shock of Jean’s presence sinks in, Erik notices the blood. The tremble to her body, to her words. He asks whose blood it is. His mind fills in the blanks, fearing the worst. His mind conjures two faces, a brother and sister. Not by blood but by bond. She refuses to answer. Instead, she turns to him. Tells him that he has hurt people he loves. His hair stands on end, ready to fight, argue, protect wounds that are still healing. He does not disagree. She asks how he stopped. The question catches him off guard, gives him pause. It’s laughable, really. 

The question assumes that he was able to stop. 

He thinks of Cuba. No, before Cuba. He remembers that first night, being pulled out of the water. A voice in his head. Blue, blue eyes, a smile, a promise of not being alone. He remembers hope. He remembers the word  _ stay _ . Like he belongs there, with the CIA, in that mansion, in his heart… When they sit and play chess for hours, debate and laugh, Erik remembers how dangerous hope is. In his nightmares, he can still feel the sand beneath his feet and those blue, blue eyes, so very, very sad. 

He is reminded of Paris.  _ All that pain and anger _ . Words from a lifetime ago but they play in Erik’s head every night since. Bloodshed, betrayal, efficient agony. Find the weakest points: his softness, his kindness, his love. Destroy them. Bury them. Remind him that a sharpened knife has no place in a nursery. 

Poland. Magda. Nina. The world should burn, quake, for all that was ever good is buried now. Or so he thought. He sees him again. Those blue, blue eyes and that  _ hope _ . Even after all these years.  _ There’s good too, I felt it. _ The words that play in his head every night. Even after everything. Despite everything… But the time comes, and he still leaves. A sharpened knife has no place in a nursery. 

So he has no answer. He never stopped hurting the people he loves. 

* * *

  
  


After New York, Erik returns to Genosha. His home. The home he’s built with his blood and sweat. (No tears. Never tears. Never again.) News takes a while to travel, especially when Erik has no personal interest in current events. One piece reaches his ears, an article from a newspaper placed in his hand. 

_ Charles Xavier Retires: School to Reopen with New Name _

At first, he doesn’t believe it. The school had been Charles’ dream. His life goal. A safe haven for young mutants to learn, to Be Something. Charles, with all his education and pride, would never step down for long. He’d be back. 

The weeks go by and Erik keeps an ear out. Charles is retired now. Travelling. Hank McCoy is in charge now but Erik doesn’t care about that. He finds him in Europe, Paris of all places. Even if the memories of the city leave a bitter taste in his mouth, he leaves as soon as he can. 

He finds him at a cafe, can sense his chair a mile away. He takes the seat opposite him and suddenly, he’s thirty years younger. There’s a lightness in his chest, a genuine smile on his face, and it’s like all of that hurt, all those years of fighting melt away. That magnetic pull he’s always had with Charles is back, full force, leaving him breathless. They banter, as usual, before Erik gets to the point.

Erik doesn’t have much at this point… but he does understand what it’s like to lose family. The look in Charles’ eyes is a familiar one; that loneliness, that grief, that guilt. At least, back then, Erik had someone to direct all those emotions. But Charles doesn’t have that. The enemy that took Jean away, that caused Raven her untimely demise, is gone. Now all he has left is grief and the guilt of his actions. Erik doesn’t have much but he does know what saved him. 

He offers Charles a home, like Charles had done for him. He acknowledges what Charles had done for him, truly shows how much he understands what was offered to him. A promise of never being alone. A promise of safety, of belonging, of love… After all this time, even now, as they sit across a white cafe table, the love is still there. Now he’s able to show it. Not publically. Times are changing but he’s still cautious. No, it shows in his eyes. The once sharp steel melts like snow under the heat of the sun, the warmth of Charles’ eyes. He offers his closed fists to Charles, revealing a chess piece when Charles humors him and picks a hand. 

But he knows Charles is grieving, still. There is so much between them, years of history and pain, are not so easily erased. He knows what he is offering Charles: his home, his heart, everything that Charles wanted to give him all those years ago. Everything that he had been too scared to take back then, too proud to admit he wanted. He knows he is decades too late but he  _ hopes _ . So he offers one game. A promise to go easy on him. And Charles, lovely and beautiful Charles, laughs and calls him out. “No you won’t.” He says and they laugh, and Charles smiles, and Erik feels whole. 

The truth is that Erik never stops hurting the people he loves… but he’d like to try. Because he does, in fact, love them so very dearly.  __

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, when Jean asked Erik when he stopped hurting the people he loved, I immediately burst into tears. That's how I knew I had to write this.


End file.
